Ignorant Girl?

    

Whew! Another week has come and gone!

Thank you all for the emails you sent this week. I'm pretty lucky to have such a strong support system. 

So missionary life is seriously so different from anything else I've ever experienced. I'll have one really really hard day and then the next day will be like the best day of my life. It's very strange. 

My really hard day this week was Saturday. We spent the day knocking on doors and basically getting the same result as last week. A lot of people who are not interested. I'm starting to get used to the rejection, but this one house we went to really sent me over the edge. We drive up to this house and this lady and her husband are sitting on the front porch. We get out and the lady is like, "Ugh how did you find us? Did my mom send you?" She went on to explain that she was raised in the Mormon church and is now atheist. I was interested to talk to her about why she stopped believing in God and what drove her away from the church, but she did not give me a chance to speak. Instead she started telling us that we were just ignorant young girls being oppressed by the church and brainwashed into believing in God. She said we needed to get an education and that if we did, we would find out that God doesn't exist. I really tried not to let this bother me, but after we left there and for the rest of the night I couldn't stop thinking about what this lady said. The worrier/doubter inside me kept wondering, "What if she's right? What if I am just an ignorant girl? What if God isn't there?". That night I prayed and poured my soul out to my Heavenly Father. I just wanted to know if he was there! 

The next morning I woke up and was about to start personal study time and I had an impression that I should read Ether 12 in The Book of Mormon. I had no idea why, I couldn't even remember what was in that chapter. But I flipped open to it and began to read. The whole first part of the chapter talks about believing in God and having faith. In verse 6 it says, "Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." Sometimes I wonder why faith is such a hard principle for me to grasp. I have really great faith building experiences, but then I discredit them and begin to doubt. I've certainly had my fair share of "trials of faith". But without these trails of faith, we can't "receive a witness" of the truth. So maybe I should look at my days of doubt and fear with gratitude and acceptance. They are ultimately making me a stronger, more faithful person because I have to struggle to gain my faith.

I've only been out a few weeks, but I feel like I've already learned so much about myself and about how God communicates with me. I can testify that he IS there. He DOES answer our prayers. He wants us to come unto him. He wants us to talk to him about our doubts and our fears. He loves us. 

Being a missionary is really hard. I'm not going to sugar-coat it. But its also the best decision I've ever made and I know I am supposed to be here. 

I love you all soooooo much! 

Until next time,

Sister Park